I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
