for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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