oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
