here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Randomize
