She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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