Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
