So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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