Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Randomize
