I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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