i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
he was CRYING into my vagina
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
