So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
