i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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