wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
