Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
