woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
