rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
