Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
