I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
