Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
