there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
