During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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