I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
