I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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