when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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