Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
