One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
