I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
