I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
