A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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