so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
