He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
