I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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