Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Randomize
