Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
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