I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
