Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
