Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
