I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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