I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
