Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Randomize
