I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
