OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
