Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
