Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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