Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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