Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
