you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
