i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
