It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
