We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
