ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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