perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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