remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I just googled if crying burns calories
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
