there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
