I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
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