There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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