You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
