I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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